During the three months spent as a candidate to become the next pastor at Park Street Church, the Reverend Terry Adams had received a large quantity of demographic data about the membership. One statistic that caught Terry's attention was that the 347 confirmed members were scattered among 152 separate households. That averaged out to 2.3 persons per household, somewhat lower than the average of nearly 2.6 per household for the American population in 2006.

What caught Terry's eye, however, was that 51, or one-third of the total, were one-person households. That contrasted with 27 percent in the census data for the American population in 2006. (Note: Between 1947 and 2006, the number of households in America had nearly tripled from 39.1 million to 114.4 million. The number of married couples nearly doubled from 30.6 million to 58.2 million, but the number of one-person households increased more than tenfold from 2.9 million in 1947 to 30.5 million in 2006!)

Terry decided that during the first months as the new pastor six hours a week to 30-minute interviews with individuals or 45-minute conversations with married couples would be allocated to listening to parishioners. The primary goal was to become better acquainted with the members. A secondary goal was to hear the perspective of adults living alone.

During Terry's third week as the new pastor at Park Street Church, Elaine Patterson, a 57-year-old widow came in to meet Terry. "I understand you live alone and you joined Park Street Church about 26 months ago," began Terry. "We average about 185 at Sunday morning worship. That may sound like a small congregation, but that number places us among the largest one-fifth of all the congregations in American Protestantism. The membership data I was given indicate that nearly one-half of the confirmed members here are married couples. My question is that as a relatively new member who is widowed and lives alone, have you experienced any difficulty in being assimilated into the fellowship of this congregation?"

"Not a bit," Elaine instantly replied. She said, "For the last 28 years of my marriage, we lived within walking distance of my husband's place of work. Nine years ago, when our youngest child graduated from high school, I re-entered the labor force and found a wonderful job, but I had to commute 19 miles each way to work. Six years ago, our company reorganized itself as a team of teams. Thus, for six years, I have worked with a team that includes four other women. Two of them have been and continue to be enthusiastic members of Park Street Church. To make a long story short, when my husband was killed in a motor vehicle accident three years ago, my primary support system was my team at work. A few months later, my team at work suggested I should sell that big house filled with wonderful memories, but no other people, and find an apartment where I could walk to work. It may not have been a coincidence that one of my team members, who is also a member here, found me a comfortable apartment one floor above her apartment in a building four blocks from where I work and two blocks from Park Street Church. The next logical step was to transfer my church membership to Park Street where I worship with my two closest friends every Sunday morning. I was assimilated long before I became a member."

One antidote to anonymity is the companionship of a couple of close and caring friends in that worshiping community.

The following week, Pastor Adams spent 45 minutes with Harold and Joyce Johnson. It turned out the 27-year-old Harold was the son of the man who had persuaded the leaders at Park Street Church to purchase a 14-seat passenger bus back in 1999. Given the cost of purchasing and operating the vehicle, the pressure was great to make sure it was used. A retired elementary school principal and his wife agreed to accept that responsibility. The typical year found the bus scheduled for about three dozen three-day and two-night weekend trips, plus at least a hundred one-day trips and a variety of other excursions.

When Pastor Adams reached the point of inquiry about their sense of belonging at Park Street, Harold quickly responded, "First, I'm a third-generation member. My father and I were both born into this congregation. I was fully accepted before I learned to walk. Second, a question you should ask as the new pastor here is why do we average fewer than 200 at worship? Four years ago, I inherited from my father part of the responsibility to drive our bus on about two dozen trips a year. I'm one of seven drivers. On most of my trips, at least a third of our passengers are not members. They've been invited by a member who is their friend or relative or neighbor to enjoy that experience. Our bus is a great tool for assimilating new people, but it also should be our first entry point for welcoming potential future members. Third, our trips are subsidized to the extent of about $10,000 a year from the operating budget. I believe we can and should cover all costs from user fees."

At that point, Harold's 25-year-old wife, Joyce, added her affirmation of that bus, saying, "Four years ago, I graduated from the university and moved nearly 300 miles here to take the job I still have. About a year later, a friend at work invited me to accompany her on a one-day trip to the state capitol for the inauguration of the new governor, a man I had campaigned for earlier. Several months later, she invited me to go on a weekend camping trip to a state park. Harold was the bus driver for that trip, and that's how I met my future husband. While I grew up in a church-going Christian family, I had dropped out of church while at the university. Thanks to the combination of a member from here and that bus, I met several friends from my generation, plus my future husband, from Park Street Church. The big downside to my story is I encountered more than a little difficulty in explaining to my parents why I should be married here at Park Street rather than in the church where I spent much of the first 18 years of my life. To return to your question about feeling a sense of belonging or being fully assimilated, I was beginning to feel a sense of belonging to the Park Street family by the time I got off that bus when we returned from the state capitol. That was reinforced as I met and made new friends on trips we took on the bus. A minor downside is, a couple of times a year, a long-tenured older member refers to me as Sam Johnson's daughter-in-law or as Harold Johnson's wife. My only question is how many other marriages has our bus produced?"

Those two long paragraphs illustrate the point that one way to meet and make new friends is to share together in meaningful and memorable experiences. The No. 1 contemporary model of that strategy is found in those congregations that challenge and equip members to set aside 10 to 15 days to join a volunteer group or spend seven to 10 days working together in ministry with fellow Christians in a sister church on another continent. The second model is that small, church-owned bus.

The Three-Screen Culture
A third tactic in a larger strategy to combat anonymity is to expand the weekend schedule. That Saturday evening worship experience for people who have to be at work on Sunday morning or be out of town either follows a meal and/or is followed by a meal. Likewise, Sunday morning schedule either begins with breakfast or closes with lunch. In our culture, one of the favorite ways to transform acquaintances into friends is to eat together.

Back in the 1930s, older children and younger teenagers in America were encouraged to create a friendship, via the mail, with a pen pal on another continent. World War II created a new demand to create and nurture interpersonal relationships by mail. People in military service could send an unlimited number of letters via first class mail at no cost.

Six decades later, the three-screen (television, computer, cellphone) culture has made it easy to communicate with other individuals. Texting makes it possible to communicate with a friend while both are crossing a street in cities a thousand miles apart. MySpace and FaceBook have opened the door for one person to enjoy a friendship circle of 500 people, none of whom have ever met one another face to face.

Several years ago, I asked a recent new member of a suburban congregation in Illinois, "Why did you choose to join this church?" She replied, "When my company transferred me to Chicago from Akron, I automatically came here on my first Sunday because I had joined a prayer circle here three years earlier. Three years ago, as a single woman, I gave birth to a baby who was stillborn. A nurse, who was an evangelical Christian, told me about this prayer circle on the Internet for women who had survived this experience. Only two of the 15 members of this prayer circle are members of this congregation, and nine do not live in Illinois, but this continues to be my primary support group."

A reasonable guess is that, by 2015, the Internet will have become the most widely used tactic as Christian congregations in America seek to combat anonymity. The big unknown today is whether denominational agencies, parachurch organizations, entrepreneurial individuals, publishing houses, or megachurches will lead the way in adding value to congregational life via the Web.

Perhaps the closest to a common prescription for combating anonymity in congregations averaging more than 75 at weekend worship has been and continues to be a three-step strategy.

First, identify three to five people with a common interest that could be the foundation for organizing a small new face-to-face group that meets at least monthly. Examples include book clubs, recovery groups, bowling teams, Bible study groups, first-time parents, the recently widowed, empty nest couples, the softball leagues, and those who want to improve their competence as public speakers. Second, eat together as a group at least twice a year. Third, as a group, take one long trip together at least once a year.

Another valuable tactic in reducing anonymity begins with the question, "Where do people who live 3 miles or 50 miles from our meeting place find continuity in their relationship to this worshiping community?"

One response is to create a network of house churches where people from several households gather on Sunday morning for the corporate worship of God. Two or three lay volunteers are trained to serve as worship leaders. The message or sermon is delivered electronically on a television screen. That worship experience is followed by a 60-to-75 minute discussion of the message led by a volunteer who was trained within the previous 72 hours on how to lead the discussion on that particular message.

Which of these tactics could be a compatible and productive component of a comprehensive strategy to combat anonymity in your congregation?

Lyle E. Schaller is a retired parish pastor and parish consultant. His most recent book, From Cooperation to Competition, was published by Abingdon Press.

Copyright 2008 by Lyle E. Schaller